On a street corner on a warm summer evening. On the stage is the bottom and middle section of a street lamp in the middle of the stage and a mailbox to the right. A store sign in the back reads “Kim’s Pharmacy”.

All of the main lights are out and the only character on the stage is MAC. A yellow spotlight is focused on him and nothing else. He has his hood pulled over his head, so that you can’t see his face.

MAC
… Every hood needs me… I’m your neighborhood dope boy, pusher man, snow man, or whatever. You can call me subwoofer, because I pump base like that, Jack. From ghetto to ghetto, backyard to the hills. I am a door to door salesman, hustle day and night. I feed the habit of the masses; all of Reagan’s children know me. I scratch their itch. They want it; I got it by the kilo. Always serving drinks on the rocks and baking soda included. Man I got some shit that’ll have you waking up in a zoo after fucking a zebra, wondering if it’s black with white stripes or white with black stripes. You wonder if it will call you the next day and what would your parents think if you came home with a zebra……what I’m tryna say is that I am needed. I provide a wonderful service for the streets. And people will always need me so I’ll never go away.
(All of the lights turn on fully illuminating the set)

MAC
(Calling out) I got that fire, I got that fire. Come and get it. Come on and get served.

JAY
(Offstage) Negro quit yellin’
(MAC pulls out his gun and hides behind the light pole that clearly offers no invisibility)

MAC
(Voice cracks a little) Yo who’s that, I meant (Clears his throat, Manly) Yo who’s that

JAY
(deepens his voice) Officer Dan bitch, get on the ground!

MAC
Ya’ll always messin’ with me. (Drops to his knees and folds his hands behind his head)
(JAY comes onto the stage laughing, holding a basketball in his hand and pointing at MAC)

JAY
(Laughing) Now spread your cheeks and lift your sack!

MAC
What?

JAY
(Laughing harder) Get up you little punk beotch. Man, it’s me Jay, and put that little ass gun away before you hurt somebody.

MAC
Oh, nigga I was just playing along with ya juvinile ass, and that shit ain’t funny. (Put his gun back in his pants and dusts himself off) Anyway, Jay you was fittin’ to get delt with, fooling with a gangster like me.

JAY
Mac you wasn’t gonna shoot nobody, so quit playin’

MAC
Negro, you need to cut all that sneaky sneaky shit out too, you know dem boys be out. They got my nerves all jittery and what not.

JAY
“Dem Boys”?

MAC
Yeah man, dem boys…police stupid… man 5-0… retard.

JAY
Police? Mac the only cop that comes around this block is senile old Officer Dan. And besides, niggas only scared of Officer Dan because he can’t see, but he be bustin caps all crazy and shit like a retirement home Rambo. He hits people’s car and don’t care cause people around here don’t call the cops.

MAC
Yeah, he crazy as hell. He came through here the other day on that LAPD tip, Rodney King, beat a brother down shit. His old ass held me on the ground, slapping me in the back of the head hollering and shit at me… and shit. He said something about me being “Nino Brown”-

JAY
From “New Jack City”?

MAC
Yeah nigga (JAY starts laughing) it ain’t funny man that stuff was scary as hell. His old fat ass falling asleep while he tryna ream me my rights. I said to him “dumbass I’m not Wesley Snipes.” Apparently I’m now the blackest nigga in on the block.

JAY
Yo I can’t fool with no Officer Dan.

MAC
That’s cause youz a chump school boy. Shouldn’t you be somewhere studying like a good boy. Jay this ain’t you. (Spreads his arms out wide) The streets ain’t for you, your not built for it.

JAY
Really Mac? You just mad cause I can hoop son, and when you here five years later I’m gonna call you from my private jet on the way to play the bulls and say “what’s up beotch!”

MAC
Yo let me see the rock and I’ma show you how to do this son. (takes the ball from JAY and starts to clumsily dribble as if it were his first time)

JAY
Yo you look like a pre-schooler kid, let me get that back before you hurt yourself or look more ridiculous. (reaches out for the ball)

MAC
Man fuck this ball! (throws the ball off stage right as FLIP enters stage left carrying a fishbowl) I can buy a million of those boy, don’t worry (MAC pulls out a wad of cash) Anyway here come some more money now.

FLIP
Whats up Jay, pimpin’, (shakes JAY’s hand) Sup Mac (singing) daddy, young scrappy, keeps the rock on and makes me happy.

MAC
What you want?

FLIP
(crackish) Look baby all I need is a little taste to get me through the night.

MAC
Nigga how much you got.

FLIP
Look player pimp, all I got on me is two bottle caps and this fishbowl that belonged to my grandmammy.

MAC
Fool you gonna have to better than that, get the hell outta here before I whop your ass.
(FLIP runs off stage right)

JAY
You cold man, you could’ve just given him the stuff.

MAC
I can’t just be givin’ away product, shit aint no handouts in this business. I got principles.

JAY
What principles? Nigga all you do is sale base to base-heads day in and day out. You only travel from your mom’s house to this corner and back again. Nigga you pathetic, for real.

MAC
Man what you say?

JAY
I said that you are a joke, and you aint never gonna be shit

MAC
Motherfucker say something else and I’ma-
(FLIP enter from the right carrying JAY’s basketball)

FLIP
(singing) Looky what I got, looky what I got.

JAY
Yo Flip that’s my ball son.

MAC
Nah. It’s my ball now.
(OFFICER DAN creeps onto the stage from left gun drawn)

DAN
All you motherfuckers freeze right now. (walks over to the group) I finally got you bastards. And you too Nino Brown.

MAC
I’m not Nin-

DAN
Shut the hell up. (shoots MAC in the butt, MAC falls and starts crying) Not so tough are you now buddy. Now listen up, I’m taking you boys downtown for a little Q & A and I don’t want no backtalk ya hear? Big lipped motherfuckers, all three of you… hold on, Jay, son is that you.

JAY
Yeah Pop Pop.

MAC & FLIP
Pop Pop?

DAN
Jay here’s my grandson. Boy get your ass home before I call your mama and she puts her foot in your ass.

JAY
Ok Pop Pop. (turns to MAC) Peace bitch. (grabs the ball and runs offstage)

DAN
As for you boys, ya’ll gonna have some fun with the boys in lockup tonight. (laughs)

MAC & FLIP
MAMA NOOOOO!!!

Scene...


© 2008 Chester Stoney III